Where do we go from here?

While I was on vacation in California last week, came to know that a distant relative of mine died in a car accident, car got crushed under truck. I can't recall meeting him, but remember his name as we've the same name. He's survived by wife and children. Even though I don't know him, there're these rush of thoughts about his family. They'll survive but it wouldn't be the same as he was alive. Our life is so fragile and uncertain. As Benjamin Franklin once said, only things certain things in life are death and taxes. But we're constantly worried and shocked by mortality.

This accident happened in wee hours, I wonder what could he and other people in car might be doing. Could be listening to music or some conversation. What would I be doing. listening to music or NPR. And may be thinking about work, Disaster Recovery Prep, pending projects, meetings. As you know, I'm single, so I don't have kinda responsibilities, worries which men of my age would have. So we'll be thinking about mundane things and a truck hits you. All the planning and thoughts and trivial things which irritate us or missed deadlines/prospects don't matter any more.

We're one of the 7.4 billion people on this earth. 151,600 people die each day. A single death would be so inconsequential to this world. but it would be devastating to people who you leave behind. One of my uncles died at very young age 3 years ago. he had two young children. I met his father (my grandfather's cousin) who's in his late 70s now. Sitting next to him and talking to him, my heart sank. He's staring into sky with teary eyes. He's at age where he couldn't comprehend the whole thing but he knew that his younger son passed away. Could it be blessing or a bane.

As obvious as it when we read something like this in news or on tv, our empathy goes down. I see gofundme requests on social networking sites, and I can barely prod myself to donate to each of them even though they're like us. Is it just me or everyone feeling numb to these. Strange thing is well know celebs (talented) generate more RIP posts than when 100s of people die every day in Syria, in south-side of Chicago or because of gun violence. We have empathy only if it's mass killing in USA or for fair skin people abroad. If it's Africa, we're not so bothered. 

A boy holds his baby sister who survived an airstrike in Aleppo Feb. 14. Reuters Photo

Syrian refugee camp, Feb'14.Guardian photo

We rarely hear anything articulate from a person who knew about their mortality. But recently I read about Dr. Paul Kalanithi, who got diagnosed with  stage-4 non-small-cell

Dr. Kalanithi with his daughter

EGFR-positive lung cancer. He initially asked his wife to remarry as his death is imminent, then he recovered, decided to have kid and eventually he died.

What's unique about him is he's a doctor who sees mortality as part of the job and he knew he's gonna die and then he became a father. So he's at this juncture of life where his offspring is born and he's about to die and he know the probability. And his daughter isn't old enough to realize the impending death of her father and she wouldn't remember any time she spent with her father when she grows up.
A normal person would've hope to survive, but a doctor might consider it as false hope or even denial. So the hope can't over power the medical probability. His ability to write, gave him an outlet. 

Even though that video was slickly edited ad for promotion of his book, it was touching. Particularly his joy in holding his daughter while being aware of his days being numbered, is a heart touching visual. When my grandfather passed away 3 years ago, I'd this sadness which took sometime to get over. He didn't suffer, but it's a sudden demise. When I visited home for the ceremonies and all, It crossed my mind that people find solace in children. the new generation brings the joy which might help you overcome the sadness caused  by death of the older generation

I'm not gonna pretend that I'm in quest of meaning of life or some meta philosophy. But this is one of the often quoted verse from Bhgavadgeeta. Lord Sri Krishna says to Arjuna

jatasyahi dhruvo mrityur dhruvam janma mrutasya cha
tasmad apiriharye’rthe na tvam shochitum arhasi.

పుట్టినవానికి మరణం తప్పదు, మరణించిన వానికి జననము తప్పదు

అనివర్యమగు ఈ విషయము గూర్చి సొకింప తగదు.

This loosely translates to this. For certain is death to the born and certain is the birth for the dead. Therefore you should not grieve about the inevitable.

But few deaths are unjust by any measure. If you're one of those people who say everything happens for reason, how can you reason with the casualties in last years Nepal earth quake or people who died in Bangladesh clothing factory in 2013. I believe in God and pray, but I've cognitive dissonance about this. If God is kind, why is there so much suffering in the world. Life of a kid born in rich suburbs of Chicago can be predictable. But life of another kid born in Afghanistan on same day will be so unpredictable. He/she can be killed by drone, malnutrition, suicide attack, the list is endless. We don't need to go to Afghanistan for this comparison. For kids born in Chicago area, the life expectancy vary so much based on the zip code they're born in.

Another verse from Bhagavad Gita

karmanye vadhikaraste, ma phaleshou kada chana,

ma karma phala hetur bhurmatey sangostva akarmani

కర్మలను ఆచరించుటయందె నీకు అధికారము కలదు కాని, వాని ఫలితమున పైన లేదు

నీవు కర్మ ఫలమునకు కారణం కారాదు, అట్లని కర్మలను చేయుట మానరాదు

You have the right to perform your actions, but you are not entitled to the fruits of the actions.

Do not let the fruit be the purpose of your actions, and therefore you won’t be attached to not doing your duty.

Whether you believe in God or not, this applies for all of us. Even though our existence is so uncertain & flimsy and depends on so many variables, we can't be idling and  worrying about it. We need to do our tasks and move forward. Got to go to work, eat food, earn that raise, save money, life goes on. 

While thinking about all this, I'd a retrospective. 10 years ago I was in Minnesota, I didn't have a plan on what I wanted to be or where I wanted to be. Here I'm in Chicago and friends are nearby. so much has changed and so much has remained the same. Where do I go from here, I don't know.

Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans. 

                                           - John Lennon, 'Beautiful Boy' 1980